'முகமூடி' சிறுகதை கலந்துரையாடல்- காணொளி

மார்ச் 2021 சொல்வனம் இணைய இதழில் வெளிவந்த என் ‘முகமூடி’ சிறுகதை (https://solvanam.com/2021/03/14/முகமூடி/ )குறித்து திருமதி சரஸ்வதி தியாகராஜன் என்னோடு நிகழ்த்திய உரையாடலின் காணொளியை இத்துடன் பகிர்ந்திருக்கிறேன். சொல்வனத்துக்கும், சரஸ்வதிக்கும் என் நன்றிகள்.

சொல்வனம்.காம் கதையை வாசிக்க: https://solvanam.com/2021/03/14/முகமூடி/

’ஊர்மிளை’ சிறுகதையின் ஆங்கில மொழியாக்கம்

2012 மே 13 தினமணி கதிரில் வெளிவந்த என் 'ஊர்மிளை’ சிறுகதையைப் பேராசிரியரும் எழுத்தாளருமான வி காதம்பரி அவர்கள் ஆங்கிலத்தில் மொழிபெயர்த்துள்ளார்கள். மைஸூரிலுள்ள த்வ்ன்ய லோகாவிலிருந்து வெளிவரும் ’சரசா’[  ] இதழில் அது வெளி வந்திருக்கிறது. காதம்பரி அவர்களுக்கும், ’சரசா’ இதழுக்கும் நன்றி.

ஊர்மிளை- தமிழில்

 ’ஊர்மிளை’ சிறுகதையின் ஆங்கில மொழியாக்கம்

URMILA

(M.A.Susila, Dinamani Kathir, 13.5.2012) 

Translated by V.Kadambari

 

The chariot was standing in the porch of the mansion ready to leave at an hour when it had not dawned yet and darkness still lingered. Grim faced Lakshmanan was standing next to it waiting for Sita.

 

“ As he was in deep sleep,  I waited for a while for him to wake up! But he has not yet woken up…the whole of yesterday he was thoughtful and worried about something. So I  didn’t have the heart to wake him up forcefully to take leave. What is there …he had bid me farewell yesterday evening itself isn’t it? Come let’s go…” Sita chirped away as she advanced.

 

She was overcome by unalloyed joy about the freedom from the overcrowded harem to once again breath the fresh outside air.

 

Not able to converse with her normally, Lakshmanan stammers and mumbles, “ Get on to the chariot, carefully, Anni”  (Sister-in-law)

 

A slight rustle is heard then. Urmila comes there totally unexpected, gets on to the chariot and settles next to Sita with a very serene face as though it is already planned. Lakshmanan is slightly perturbed by this unexpected move. Even so, a slight consolation spreads on his face. He need not face the embarrassment of having to travel with Sita alone! Maybe, sensing this delicate feeling, she has joined to help him. When he lifts  his eyes to see her with gratitude, Sita is conversing with her about something. “ Oh.. Urmila? It didn’t even occur to me to bring you along with me! This Lakshmanan also didn’t think of it. Do you know how happy I am to have you with me on this journey. Let it be! You have come along for my sake or because you cannot be without Lakshmanan any more? Tell me the truth…” Smiling mischievously at her, Sita holds her hands like a merry child.

 

Urmila’s reciprocating smile is lifeless and Sita who is in a different world fails to register it.  “Atleast once must look at the flowing Ganga, the waves in it… and bathe in the chill water happily Urmila. But for the royal women like us it can only be a dream.  Because of Kaikeyi athai* (aunt) I had that good fortune. The boons she received may be in the eyes of the world a curse. But it had opened many precious avenues for me. Had we been in the palace, duties as a King would have just swallowed him. Till got caught by Ravana I relished his nearness always, and it wouldn’t have been possible otherwise.”

 

Sita who had kept the flow of conversation realises a missing beat suddenly and is embarrassed by the glances exchanged by Lakshmanan and Urmila.

 

“…. You are really very bad Lakshmana! However close you are to your brother is it right to have been separated from your wife for 14 long years? You didn’t even think of taking leave of her as we hastily made preparations to go to the forest isn’t it? How many times we have discussed it during our stay in the forest? …” She takes the liberty to scold him and turns to Urmila.

“Fourteen years…more than five thousand long days and nights…! How did you endure the separation Urmila? Whereas I was shaken by even the Asokavanam days! But people say that you slept in addition on all those days, his sleep also…! What for the gossip mongers? Only when it comes to oneself one will know the pain.”

 

“People people, people…everywhere everyone is worried only about people. I stayed away from the outside world only to escape its horrid mouth Sita…! I did not come out for any reason – good or bad. That’s why this title…” Urmila answers in dry tones .

 

“Oh leave it Urmila… you don’t detest Lakshmanan for that. Apart from the time he served his elder, his mind was occupied only with thoughts about you. The long nights during which he guarded us with the bow in hand, outside the parnasala,* (thatched living quarters) the copious  tears that rolled down from his eyes had carried fresh memories of you. Then, despite his striving to control himself his lips had mentioned only your name repeatedly. This truth had been told by Guhan who kept him company. Even the rage he felt when he cut the nose off Surpanaka was born out his love for you isn’t it?”

 

Urmila tries to divert the direction the conversation is taking. “Enough…enough…let’s talk about something else, Sita. We both have quite surprisingly come together for the first time. Why don’t you unknot from your memory your experiences connected with the scenes on the way? I will listen. There in the palace we both have no time to entertain such sharing.”

 

As if waiting only for that cue, Sita says, “the scenes and experiences we have encountered at distressing moments when recollected, do become fond caressing memories isn’t it Urmila…” She goes on to unfold the register  of memories and tells about Chitrakootam, Dandakaranyam, Ashokavanam etc.

 

Returning to Ayodya, after the fall of Ravanan, to restart life she had dreamt of travelling through those lands of her past, especially after she conceived. Without the former confusions and burdens and with the newly acquired  calmness and fulfilment she had wanted to visit those places. She had even shared her thirst for it with Rama. It would have been more memorable if he had accompanied her. Though it was not possible, her heart somewhere felt proud of the husband who remembered her craving and fulfilled it at the right time.

 

               The reckoning of her unsullied mind increases the burden in the mind of Lakshmanan. Wishing to lay to rest that burden, when he looks up at Urmila, the emptiness in her eyes and what they hide behind increase his restlessness. Her serious attention to Sita looks to him as a disturbing game.

 

          Yester night’s moments worm through his consciousness.

 

 

———————————

 

Though he had trained himself to listen to the elder brother’s words ever since he started thinking on his own, that day …that moment, Lakshmanan did not have the strength to withstand the shock given by his elder’s words. He stood like a silent sculpted rock in front of his brother, pushing inward with utmost effort, the words that tried to surface like water-balls.

 

“Do you also think that I am doing this with conviction”…Not able to sustain anymore after listening to these tear filled words of Rama, Lakshmanan bursts and splinters.

“ Those who wear the thorny crown cannot always function listening  to one’s gut feelings alone, Lakshmana. There are thousands of guidelines in thousand directions waiting for them. If only Bharathan had continued to bear this burden, I would have had a life where I would listen only to what my mind dictates.

 

Even the few words which Lakshmanan  wants  to utter in retaliation, when had dissolved in the tears of the brother, “will certainly finish your order tomorrow anna”,*( elder brother ) was all he  manages to say before quickly leaving the place to go to his harem. Urmila who understands his troubled self at the time of serving food, combs his hair with her fingers endearingly and asks,”What burden has been shifted by your brother today to your head?”

 

The question though irritated Lakshmanan and a very light anger emanated from within, he was nevertheless surprised to find her perfect reading of his mind. Along with the surprise, a  tiny speck of joy too spread! Despite leaving her within a few days of their marriage and the long absence that ensued like a moat between them, the fact that their hearts had not moved away gave him solace.

 

For a single word of the people, contrary to the dictates of his mind he was under duress to take anni to the forest to leave her there. His brother’s Kingly dharma had manacled his hands and he describes it despairingly to Urmila.

Urmila who for a second remains stupefied recovers her balance as quickly as she has lost it.

“When will your brother understand that the crown is given only to set aside unethical guidelines and to weed out the wrong kinds of justice from being practiced? “

Don’t accuse anna, Urmila.  Only when we perceive it from his position we will be able to envisage  completely what kind of crisis will come from where.”

 

“Will battle ground enemy alone be external enemy? Chasing them alone cannot be a King’s duty isn’t it? Doesn’t he have the duty of dusting age old laws and cast aside the unwanted? Alright. Let it be. I just want to know in which law book it is written that  one can be punished twice for a crime not practiced?”

 

“There is no use in discussing this further Urmila. I am at present gnawed by the worry about how to disclose it tomorrow to anni and how to face her anguish?”

“Which means you are prepared to implement your brother’s orders is it?”

“What else can be done?”

“Just asking for argument’s sake. In future supposing you have to face a similar situation…you are commanded by your brother to kill yourself by getting into Sarayu?”

    “I will certainly do it Urmila”… Urmila moves away from him releasing her hands from his grip as though she has some other work.”

 

————————————-

 

 The chariot was nearing the place where Sita would get off. The mountain ranges and hillocks surrounded the emerald green valleys dotted with palm woven huts. Crystal clear babbling streams, lotus ponds, the chirpy birds winging their freedom, deer running on their slim legs like balls. “This place is so calm and soothing to the eyes. Shall we relax a little here and then go on Lakshmana?” The irony of those words uttered by the unaware Sita pains Lakshmanan all the more…

 

He just answers, “ we will do so”.

 

Skimming the chill brook with her legs and chattering to Urmila continuously, Sita seems to have lost her sense of time even. Lakshmanan goes near them as sunset time approaches.

“ Do you see that deer brother…? Does it not look like the one which came earlier? Don’t be scared. I won’t send you behind it.”

“They need not be  caught hold with force anni. All the deer here will be roaming  around the Seer  Valmiki’s Ashram only.”

“ What…Sage Valmiki is it? Urmila, shall we go and have his Darshana?

“There is no need to go just to have Darshana anni. This is the place where you will be staying henceforth. It is anna’s wish.”

 

Without an iota of any emotion, collecting all his strength together when Lakshmanan finished saying it, he feels his entire life drained. Sita who for less than a second twitched in pain as though a venomous snake had hurt her, collects herself and looks up… “Only, if it had not happened this way I would have been surprised. Now I understand the darkness clouding his face! Do you have his permission to accompany me to show the way to the ashram?

 

Lakshmanan leads her to the sage’s ashram as though dead to the world around. Just before reaching  the entrance…

“There will be no need for your help anymore. You can take leave…” says Sita firmly and turns away.

Turning to go to the chariot with the guilt of a heinous sin weighing heavy on him he remembers Urmila suddenly and returns to take her with him. She had by then reached him.

“you don’t have to wait for me. I have decided to stay here to keep Sita company,” she says and without waiting for his reply, holds Sita’s hand in a firm grip and gets inside the ashram.

As Lakshmanan starts his journey on the chariot, the russet sun manoeuvres to hide himself behind the clouds.

 

 

***********

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

வெயில் உகந்தாள்,சிறுகதை:ஆங்கில மொழிபெயர்ப்பு

 என் தோழியும் இருமொழி எழுத்தாளருமான காவேரி லட்சுமி கண்ணன் அவர்களின் ஆங்கில மொழிபெயர்ப்பில் 3/10/21 தினமணிகதிரில் வெளியான என் சிறுகதை - வெயில் உகந்தாள். காவேரி லட்சுமி கண்ணன்அவர்களுக்கும் ஆங்கில மொழிபெயர்ப்பை வெளியிட்ட Beacon இணைய இதழுக்கும் என் நன்றி

Goddess of Sunlight: Short Fiction by M.A. Susila. Translation by Lakshmi Kannan

THE BEACON- NOV 2/2021

M.A.Susila

(Translated from Tamil by Lakshmi Kannan)

A

s she locked the house and climbed down the steps, she spotted a group of street dogs  a few yards  away. Ah,  a good excuse to turn back, thought Neela happily. Just as she was rummaging  through her handbag for the house key, her phone lit up.  It was a WhatsApp message and an emoji from Reshmi*. ‘Out for a walk?’ How does she sense it, wondered Neela, a little annoyed. If it’s 7:30 am here, it must be 10 pm in Toronto. Has she set a template to send me this message everyday? Must be. She is a software engineer after all.

A minute later, there was another message, ‘Hope there is no excuse?’ proving that it wasn’t a template. Neela turned around and started walking. Reluctantly.

“Neela grandma, are you my father’s mother or my mother’s mother?’ asked her grandson Sidhu, surprised at the intimacy of the relationship between Neela and her daughter-in-law. Soon after Reshmi got married to Neela’s son Prithvi, she had taken complete charge of Neela’s health issues. Being reticent and not much given to expressing his affection, Prithvi gladly shared this responsibility with his wife.

‘Athai, please set the alarm for six in the morning on your mobile. Only then you’ll take the tablet for your thyroid without forgetting it,’ she had said soon after she had come into the family as a new daughter-in-law. What had started on this note, had continued without a scratch in the way she enveloped Neela in her care, even though they now lived in Canada. She ad made copies of Neela’s medical diagnosis, reports and prescriptions. Ten days ago, she had said on Skype, ‘See Athai, because you were confined to your AC room for nearly six months during the first wave of Covid, and were just watching all those movies on Netflix and Amazon,  your body didn’t get enough sunlight. So, the pain in your neck and back has increased. You’ve also put on weight because you didn’t go for walks. One can see from you BMI , the biomass index,’ she said, almost in one continuous breath.

‘Now you simply must go for a walk for at least half an hour in the morning, anytime between 7:30 and  8:30, whether you have  things to do or not. Please wear a mask and walk in a sunny area that’s not crowded. I won’t listen to any excuse, okay?’ she said firmly, before ending the call.

Neela felt comforted by  Reshmi’s  genuine concern. Still, a certain lethargy had come over her. She hadn’t walked down her doorsteps for months. Any trivial reason was enough to make me postpone the prospect of a walk, thought Neela, as she started ambling.

Even the stray dogs in the middle of the street stopped barking and made way for her like she was a V.I.P. Did  Reshmi have a remote control even for this? There was no way out. Now she had to go on her walk. With nondescript houses on both sides this  was a shaded area, with a road just wide  enough for a a water tanker  to pass through. Neela was the only  person on the street. She noticed that some vacant plots between the houses still had half burnt garbage in them. It had always annoyed her. As if this pollution won’t make me sick, she mentally told her daughter- in- law.

At the end of this longish street, the highway was just five minutes away. Neela’s plan was to reach that point and turn back.  When she turned right, she saw a woman standing  at the corner of the street, staring at the sunlight streaming in between the houses. There was something strange about her actions that made Neela stop in her tracks.  Alternating her arms,  the woman repeatedly closed her eyes with the inside of her right palm, then stared at the sun with her open eye for a second. She did this with her left palm. After doing it several times she dropped her arms down her side. Then she noticed Neela looking at her in surprise.

‘Are you wondering what I’m up to? It’s an exercise for the eyes. One can take it as a kind of a surya namaskaram. The ophthalmologist who did my surgery asked me to do it,’ she said.

From the way her mask crinkled and expanded, Neela could see a friendly smile on her face. ‘Going for a walk?’ she asked.

‘Yes, my walk is also for sunbathing,’ replied Neela.

Not sure if they could extend a conversation on their very first meeting, the two women said bye and resumed their walk in different directions.

*

 A couple of days later, Neela stopped at a shop on her way back. She turned around when she heard a ‘Hello’.

‘Oh…the other day…looking for the sun…’ said Neela.

‘Yes,’ the woman replied,   ‘Yes, we were looking for the sun. But what to do, my name is Chandra, which means the moon!’ she said with a laugh.

Neela also introduced herself while she paid the shopkeeper.

‘Are you returning from a walk or are you just setting off?’

‘I’m returning. Thought I would buy some fruits.’

‘I’m also returning. We can walk back together, that is, if you don’t have any objection.’

‘Not at all! Getting someone to chat with takes away the monotony of a walk, especially with someone  around the same age.’

Peeping over  the compound walls of the houses were hibiscus, rosebay and oleander bushes. Chandra plucked the flowers and put them inside her nylon net bag.

‘Are you seeing another  strange sight?’ she asked Neela. ‘Perhaps you are wondering  if the owners of the house will get angry. I’ve been living in this colony for nearly twenty years. Everybody knows me. It’s only on the day I don’t pluck flowers, they’ll ask  each other, Where’s Chandra Amma? Is she keeping well? … Okay, let that be. Tell me about yourself. Are you new to this place?’

‘You can say I’m both new and old. The house I live in now was bought by my parents when I was in college. I stayed here for three years. Then I got a job, got married and went to other places. Later, when my son got a job, I looked after his children and it went on like that. Couldn’t stay in one place for long. Only in the last one year, I’ve anchored myself here. What about you?’

‘ I’ve spent all my time here. Don’t know what’ll happen in future. We – my husband and I-  worked here, so we built a house and settled down.  Since our son also got a job here all of us stay together as one family. Our daughter got married last year. She is now in Qatar and is pregnant. I have to go for the delivery.  I’m waiting for a green signal from both the sides for my air travel.’ She paused.   ‘But you’re doing well,’ she continued. ‘Even after living  in various places, you continue with the good habit of walking.’

‘You see, I worked as a Section Superintendent in my office. It meant moving around all the time, without sitting on my seat. After retiring, I accompanied my only son to Chennai. There was a park nearby. Even if I was unable to walk in the mornings, I would definitely go for a walk in the evenings.  Now he is in Toronto. It has been two years. When my husband passed on, my son didn’t want to leave me alone. So, he took me along with him saying we can all live together. He even offered to arrange a Green Card for me. My daughter-in-law is a gem of a girl. But I couldn’t bear the cold even for three months, so I rushed back. I couldn’t go out anywhere while I was there. That’s how I got this pain in my neck and back. When I consulted a doctor…’

‘Vitamin D deficiency. Go and stand in the sun…he would’ve said, like a school teacher,’ said Chandra. We burst out laughing. A few pedestrians turned around to look at us.

‘Come to think of it,  people who don’t have Vitamin ‘W’ (wealth)are free of this problem. It’s only the very rich, white Western people who go to the beach for sunbathing. Now even we, the middle classes, have become like them, what to do?’ she said. ‘Okay, this is where  I take a turn for my house. Let’s meet again, in the sun,’ she said and left.

*

Although they didn’t plan it  they often ran  into each other several times  a week. It surprised them that their conversations always returned to the  midpoint  – sunlight.

…  That morning, the sun was blazing  even at eight o’clock.. As they were walking, Chandra called out to a woman  selling bananas, pomegranates, mangoes and other fruits in a cane basket perched on her head.

‘Hey Thayamma. It’s become quite hot, right? So that brings in the season of mangoes. I’ve been asking since when for maavadu from Azhagar Koil, but you don’t seem to get them. These mangoes…are they from Nadham?’

‘Oh Amma, everybody talks about the season, but who buys in dozens or kilos, like before? Families have shrunk. Every household buys fruits in threes and fours, that’s all. All right. You were longing to have malgova mangoes. I’ve kept some specially for you.’ She slowly put her basket down, then carefully took out some mangoes and gave them to Chandra. Neela also bought two fruits for herself.

Chandra looked at Thayamma’s retreating figure for some time and said,

‘See Neela? She has only started her day now. By the time she sells off everything and goes home, all the heat of the sun would’ve descended on her head. It’s only the likes of us who complain about perspiration when it’s hot, and then say oh, it’s so cold, when it rains. Whether it’s the hottest day, or there’s a downpour, people like her have to move around.’

‘That’s right. Every year we tend to complain saying,  isn’t it much too hot this year?’ agreed Neela.

‘Goddesses of Sunlight’ murmured Chandra thoughtfully, with a faraway look.

‘Isn’t there’s a temple for Veyil Ugnadal*, the goddess of sunlight, near Virudunagar?’

‘Yes, yes. We’ve one here too, near Thiruppura kunram. Then there’s another at Thiruchendur! And in Saathoor, Koyilpatti, Sivakasi and Thotthukkudi,there are temples for goddesses of sunlight, all of them mother figures  for people who’ve grown up drinking sunlight and who make a living under the hot sun. They worship Her because she is one deity for whom all people are equal, and all things, like the hot sun or rain are equal. But I was not referring to the goddess, I meant people like Thayamma.’

‘When we were small, we would go up to the terrace to guard the vatral and vadagam that were put out to dry in the sun, and we too soaked up the sun along with them.  So playful were we, that we were hardly aware of the sun’s heat.’

   ‘Yes.Those were the days. And now, at this age, we’ve to go searching for sunlight. Neela, I wanted to ask you last week. Now that you’re regularly absorbing sunlight, how is the level of your vitamin D? Have you checked?’

“I’ve given the test report to the doctor. Let me see what he says.’

‘Okay, come with a good report. We’ll meet in the sun.’

*

But after that day, Neela didn’t see Chandra for a long time.  She tried setting off for her walk a little early, and returning later than usual. On many days she stood at the turning where they usually parted, waiting.   There were so many streets branching off after that point. Who could she approach to inquire about Chandra? Where could  she search for her? There was the woman who sold greens who had asked Neela, ‘Why’re you walking alone amma? The other amma who always walks with you, where is she?’

‘I also don’t know. For some days now she hasn’t been coming and I’m searching for her. I don’t know how to find out  because I don’t know where she stays. Good I saw you. You know where her house is?’

‘No amma, I’ve  no idea. Other than seeing the two of you together, I don’t remember selling greens to her. I don’t know your house either. But everybody has a cell phone now, talk to her,’ she suggested, and resumed  calling out the names of the various  greens she was selling.  It was a simple solution, but then it struck Neela that she hadn’t asked Chandra either her address, or her  husband’s name or her cell number. Strange.

The flowers on both sides of the street peeped out of the compound walls, but there was  no Chandra to pluck them. I’ve been living in this colony for nearly twenty years.Everybody knows me. Chandra’s words flashed through her mind. But  Neela’s reserved nature prevented her from knocking on the doors of unknown people to inquire about her walking companion.

*

One day Neela was walking briskly back towards her home.

‘Amma, how’re you? All well?’ asked Thayamma, the fruit seller. ‘I’ve some good mangoes. Want to buy? Hmm…Your friend would buy fruits every single day, without fail. Her daughter was due for her delivery so she contacted lots of people and finally left for her daughter’s place. I must say that’s a good thing which has happened even in these bad times. Everybody says there’ll be another wave of Corona. Also, a lockdown. If that amma had waited for some more time, she couldn’t have gone … Ah, it’s only we who suffer from all this. It ruins our livelihood. Okay, let me sell for as long as I can. Here,  your  mangoes,’ she said, stuffing my hands with fruit.

Neela remembered Chandra mentioning her daughter casually in conversation.  Although they had done some small talk while walking it had never occurred to them to take each other’s address, phone numbers, or talk about their families.

Chandra was now in Qatar, in her daughter’s house. A place with the blistering heat of a desert. Would she still like sunlight or would she take refuge inside an AC room and get aches and pains like me?

It was like a ‘train friendship’, the way they had become friends in their quest for sunlight. Mechanically, Neela took out some change to pay Thayamma. She let herself into the house and switched on the fan and the TV.

‘Use our sunscreen lotion to protect your skin from the ultraviolet rays of the sun’ said an advertisement. Neela’s report about the increase in her Vitamin D level fluttered on the table, in the breeze.

'முகமூடி’-The Masked Man

                                           'முகமூடி’    - The Masked Man 

சொல்வனம் இணைய இதழில் வெளியான என் 'முகமூடி’ சிறுகதையைப் பேராசிரியை வி காதம்பரி அவர்கள் The Masked Man என்ற தலைப்பில் ஆங்கிலத்தில் மொழிபெயர்த்திருக்கிறார்கள். மைஸூரிலிருக்கும் த்வன்யலோகா வெளியீடான சாரஸா இதழில் ( 2021- Vol.No.37&38 ) அது வெளிவந்திருக்கிறது.

The Masked Man

Mugamoodi by M.A.Susila in Tamil,

Solvanam, Digital Magazine, March 14, 2021 Issue No 242

 

Translated by V.Kadambari

A small asbestos roofed shed like structure. The entrance was closed with a tin door and a seventy year old man and a middle aged man who could pass off as the son of the former were struggling to put their heads through an open window which was only slightly open like and resembled a hovel.

I who was seriously engaged in capturing the rays of the sun trying to pierce through the chinks in the snowcapped Himalayan peaks, got distracted by akka’s voice.

“This is why Ammu I think a thousand times before going with you. Pushing aside the purpose of the visit you start photographing trees, barks, hills, humans and all that you see like a loose screw. It is so difficult to get your attention then.”

“Cool down akka! Let the purpose of the visit be on one side. But can one miss such a rare opportunity after coming this far? Why don’t you too pack up all your worries and tensions and enjoy the sight for some time.  When to you think we will get another such chance in our lives to see a rare sunrise with sun and snow competing with each other?”

“Even I too have been watching it Ammu. But let me ask you something. Do you think however high-tech your camera is, it can capture the secrets and mysteries hidden behind the beautiful nature?”

I stared at her as such words rarely come out of a pragmatist like her.

“Why do you look at me as if I also have lost my balance? Whatever we do, we should not forget the purpose of our coming her. Ammu… that manager Bhaiya – what is his name - Prathap or Predeep? I saw him go somewhere towards the left. Four more have tagged along. We too should put in a little effort. Ammu my darling! Please go and see that side. May be he is returning now.”

“Why would you get excited so much akka? Haven’t you spoken secretively to that pet of yours in Hindi and made some plan?”

“Poor fellow Ammu! Why do you get annoyed with him? Here he is only a watchman. He is giving us ideas in his own limited way. It is up to us to carry it out isn’t it? Look here Ammu, since the time we reached this place yesterday afternoon, I have spoken to the manager in my broken Hindi. Why don’t you show your face to him and try in English? This place is a little steep! I don’t want to take any risk with my knee pain. Otherwise I myself will…”

“You don’t fall down and have an adventure. Be here and keep yourself warm looking at the sun. I will go and find out.” I started climbing slowly the steep on the left hand side having prevented her from venturing to do so.

Phata, a small hill side village had a helipad on an even, expansive ground between the narrow roads and ranges. It was one of the Heli-stations for the onward journey to Kedarnath. The Helipads were laid both left and right for the copters which flew out and landed every ten minutes and the booking office was a little away with chairs laid in front of it where we were seated. The waiting hall for the pilgrims though was adjacent to it, we had chosen the chairs under the sky in order to not to be out of sight of the ticket shed.

I who had climbed up thoughtfully towards the left side helipad was about to slip when a hand caught me and helped me to my feet… and it was the Manager Prathap’s.

“Savdon Behanji, savdon. Take care”, he moved on speaking both in Hindi and English and I who did not want to miss the opportunity walked along with him and told him in clear English our plea as senior citizens waiting since the day before to be given priority for the tickets. 

“Chintamath…Behanji! Will take care…aaram se bhaitiye” … he took long strides as he said this and was gone in to the shed.

I turned with a little trepidation to find if anyone had seen me slipping, especially after teasing akka about doing so. But the eyes of all including that of akka, who were seated on the chairs were riveted on one place. The “masked man” who had removed it for a while to smoke    pushed it back to its place, thrown the butt and was walking towards akka.  

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            This ‘masked man’ was the one whom we saw first as soon as we came to Phata. We had arrived there for the second time after going around all other Heli-stations in nearby places and found him keeping the “Booking Closed” notice board with a lot of noise outside the closed door of the ticket shed. Unlike me who knew no Hindi, Akka who had been to various North Indian towns along with her husband on his transfers was acquainted with many languages and places. She was enquiring him as I stood a little away.

“Seems booking is over with two o’clock today. For next two or three days booking may not be possible he says. Also it may be better after a few days.”

I who started saying, “This is why…” checked myself and said, “Akka we both decided to keep an open mind when we started on this journey isn’t it?  Be patient. Let us enquire more at leisure. We ate something at the road side at eight in the morning. Now it is almost three. You are a diabetic and won’t be able to withstand. Sit in the car for a while and let me check if any food is available here.” I made her comfortable in the car and sent driver Vijay to check about food in the restaurants that were open. 

Akka was engulfed with worry and tiredness and it was writ large on the face. “Have we done a mistake Ammu?” she asked.

“Let us first eat akka. Let us not think about anything else now. Ok?”

Vijay who had gone in search of a restaurant returned with the “masked man”. I wondered if he was an all in all in the place. I did not entertain any faith in him unlike akka. Also due to some unknown reason I had developed an allergy for him. His covering his nose and mouth with a big kerchief tied around in a place where there was no crowd and pollution in the chill air (at a time prior to corona) appeared ridiculous.. He seemed to me to somehow be a disturbing mystery.

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            As akka and I were making plans to participate in a two weeks camp on meditation in an ashram on the banks of Ganga in Rishikesh, Kedarnath got suffixed to our travel itinerary.  After confirming accommodation and other things at Rishikesh as I browsed the Net for air tickets akka piped in her wish.

“Ammu, don’t scoff at me for asking you this all of a sudden. Shall we go to Kedarnath leaving our things behind after the camp gets over? Achi* the caretaker of the ashram is known to you isn’t it? Won’t she give us the room for another three days? Shall we also ask he for arrangements like Helicopter facility, vehicle etc.?”

Achi when contacted said, “No hassle in anything else. But the helicopter tickets get booked three or four months in advance. An agent known to me gets in black market for eight thousand and nine thousand tickets priced at two thousand five hundred by the government. But, I know well that you wouldn’t want to take a trip like that. Come prepared to stay on for another three days as you say and leave it to Kedareshwar. We will try and see.”

But only after reaching the camp we realized that it wasn’t that easy. We tried for tickets along with the meditation each day.

“Trust my words and go in good cheer. You are both senior citizens. Apart from pre-booked tickets there ought to be tickets for each day and on seeing your face you certainly will get them….go with faith and you will return only after having a good darshan,” said Achi and arranged for a vehicle to take us upto the village from where the Helicopter flew.  We were standing at the place in the afternoon hours amidst the mountains holding on to her words alone.

Akka came near me after finishing her conversation. “Ammu, he is also of the same opinion as Achi regarding chances being there as we are senior citizens. But…asking us to wait patiently. Do you see Hotel Sunrise near the helipad? We can eat there.  He also says that he will arrange for a room to stay tonight. If we try from tomorrow morning onwards we may have a chance by afternoon he says.”

I had no faith in his words. “You are like this – trust all and sundry too quickly akka. He and his mask…looks like a child abductor.”

I shouted at akka in Tamil confident that Vijay and the “masked man” did not know the language. “He is doing all this to fleece you and also get commission from the hotel owner. You think about it yourself. When we arrived here, he was the one who kept the Booking Closed board isn’t it?”

“Ammu, let us take a chance for what it is worth. We have two full days at our disposal. Will wait and see till tomorrow afternoon. We will return day after tomorrow to Rishikesh.”

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            Though I didn’t want to accept openly, the room overlooking the helipad in that small village was simple and neat with all facilities. Oil free chappathis, paneer dhal curry, jeera rice etc were sent to the room along with hot water in flasks by the owner in the ground floor through his children. While akka was displaying her language skills to those children below ten, I stood on the verandah outside the room and gazed at the hills in front.

“Will we be able to see Lord Gangadhar, who is hiding behind one of those gloriously shining silvery peaks that seemed made just then and were like perfect urns? The helicopters were weaving through them in their onward and return journey and I mused as I watched if we would be able to fly by one of those?”

Unfamiliarity with the place and freezing cold to a certain extent were got over and when we were settling down to sleep someone knocked on the doors. Akka got down from her cot and walked to the door to speak to the person and came back to lie down.

“Who? That ‘masked man’? See akka, only we two are here to help each other. Don’t hide anything from me. Did he ask you any money? If we have to lose money to someone we might as well have got the tickets in black be it eight of nine thousand isn’t it?”

“Don’t let your imagination run out of control Ammu. This is your nature. You right away take someone in dislike and maintain it. See here…the truth is he didn’t ask for anything. Even as I tried to open the handbag, he checked me and made a gesture that such talks should not be there.”

“Ok, ok! He has had a good report from you isn’t it? Leave it…That’s enough! But …why did he come at this time?”

“He came only to alert us to not to sleep off in this weather, but be awake early enough to get ready and to occupy the chairs opposite the ticket counter to attract attention.”

“Hmmm! For all such service he is going to take you for a ride at the end…wait and see”. I mumbled and drew the quilt up.

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I came down the slope towards Akka, ruminating over the fact that it was after all the warning alarm of the ‘masked man’ that had made us wake up at five itself and be ready in this chill weather to be opposite the shed at six itself.

“Nonsense…! He is speaking to you right after throwing that fag he was smoking. Wonder how you who can’t withstand smoke smell, put up with it in this ‘masked man’?”

Let it be. Looks like you fell at the feet of the manager! Any use of it?”

Akka’s eyes had not let slip anything. Without meeting her question squarely, I said, “Asked us to be relaxed. Who knows what’s in his mind?” 

“That’s why the one whom you tease me with every minute as ‘masked man’ came now to give an idea. Looks like there are many senior citizens like us here. But as the younger family members are also with them the seniors will not be sent without the others. Since we are only two of us giving us tickets is a lot easier it seems.  But every one hour we need to show our heads inside the shed and draw attention to our presence. As there is a small break now, he wants us to finish breakfast and be back.”

The aloo paratha with mint and coriander leaves in it was quite tasty with pickles and curds.

“Wonder how they consume wheat for all three meals as aloo paratha, methi paratha, and phulka chappathis?” I said.

“We push in rice in the form of idli and dosa. For them it is wheat”, said akka and looked around to call the ‘masked man’ who was standing a little away to join us. Fortunately he nodded his head in refusal and moved to the helipad on the right.

“Nice fellow Ammu. Only you don’t like him.”

‘Akka think well. When so many are waiting here, why is he interested only in us? May be he thinks we can be cheated as we are alone.”

“No, no. It won’t be like that. Come, let us go and sit there.” Akka washed her hand and started moving.

Now the shed was open. Near the door and the counter people had started swarming.

“Go and see inside the shed once before sitting down ammu! Ticket may also be available.  For what it is worth keep five thousand separately for both of us”.

I waited for the manager’s glance amidst the unregulated crowd. After twenty minutes he looked at me as though by chance and said, “Will call you behanji, please wait outside.”

Akka should have assumed with what answer I would return. Without turning in my direction she was keenly listening to the ten members group of old and young from Delhi narrating their penance for over ten days camping in the place for tickets? Even I could understand the narration by catching words here and there. However when I had gone on to be haunted by the scene of us returning with blanched faces after our efforts of one and a half days efforts turned futile, the ‘masked man’ came towards us, “Jayiye abhi, Jaldi.”

   Akka kept up with my long strides.

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As the distant hill ranges were diminishing in size like dots in a kolam (rangoli). We were speeding down from the heights. Ganga swishing and frothing escorted us as Alak nanda, Bagirathi, Deva Prayag and Rudra Prayag in green, blue and greenish blue colours.

We were tired after continuous three days’ journey. A curious mixture of contentment of having touched the peak of exhilaration along with a feeling of emptiness enveloped us, and we did not attempt to talk as we were soaking in the silence. When the vehicle jolted a little in a sharp harping bend akka who was in a sleepy wakefulness sat up.

“What akka, have you finished dreaming?”

“Everything looks like a dream Ammu. Did we really go up, see Kedar…? How did everything work out? Which one to hold on to …which one to let go? I simply don’t know what to say…”

For the helicopter which was to leave at two forty-five, the tickets were issued at 12 noon. We ate something hurriedly, and flew across valleys and mountains in seven minutes to reach Kedar… the small temple encircled by fortress like snow clad peaks – the marvel of Himalayas which was like a circular stage where the gods congreed to celebrate. – our going round it in spellbound amazement, the exhilaration that followed, the awe inspiring darshan of the light red hued swayambu lingam even as there was a light drizzle with the help of a priest…Did all these things happen really?

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            After the tickets were issued the ‘masked man’ could not be seen for some reason. When we vacated the room, left our belongings in the car with instructions to Vijay to wait for our return and also while having our lunch when akka’s eyes were searching for him, I made fun of her, “Don’t worry akka, your adopted son will appear before we leave tomorrow with a big amount to claim.”

But even after we returned from Kedar and got ready for the climb down, there was no sign of him. Akka’s refrain was, “He was wandering around here and was constantly in our sight for the past two days. Where has he gone now?”

 “Ammu whatever you think, I feel we need to give him something for his help and whom he did not even know. It is a small duty of ours. That’s all.” With that final note, Akka instructed Vijay to find out wherever the ‘masked man” was and give him the two thousand rupees that she handed over to him. I too did not contradict her this time.

But driver Vijay who came back with a grim look gave the money back to akka and said that if we were to delay the departure further it might be difficult once the darkness started falling and started the car. Just then from somewhere the ‘masked man’ came running.

“Are you happy? Contented?” he asked repeatedly in Hindi. Akka brought her palms together to thank him and looked at Vijay. He gestured to her ‘later’. “Behanji, ek hi asha hey mere pas”, the ‘masked man’ gave his mobile covered with grime and dust and asked him to take a photograph of him with us.

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            While nearing Rudraprayag, Vijay received a call. “That Bhaiya is asking if we are travelling safely….A good person madam. I could not tell you in front of him then. Now will tell you. As he is a staff in that Heli-service, I knew that he cannot take anything from travellers. If known, he may lose his job even. That’s why the money you gave voluntarily, I gave to him by taking him aside. ‘Both are like my elder sisters. It is a sin to touch the money” he said. I have known him for the last five of six years madam. Poor man! His son who was a tourist guide in the same Heli-service, a few years ago disappeared with the helicopter in which he was in the floods that happened in Kedarnath. His whereabouts couldn’t be traced at all. In order to cover up his slightly crooked mouth he wears a mask and with it has covered up his grief. He continues with the same service for his livelihood may be in the hope that someday his son might land in one of the copters,” said Vijay in his broken English mixed with Hindi words and when he finished there was an unmistakable crack in his voice.      

            Achi phoned as we were nearing Rishikesh. I switched on the speaker, made akka listen and told Achi about the darshan briefly. Achi much overwhelmed said, “What else but the blessings of Kedarnath himself.” As she finished the call, akka showed me the whatsapp message she had received with the photograph of us with the ‘masked man’. The message said, “From Gangadhar.”

The memory of Gangadhar standing against the backdrop of the helipad waving goodbye to us who were in the car haunted me for many days.

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*Achi – a respectful way of addressing older women